Parents don’t like to see their children hurt. It’s particularly painful when the parents are the ones causing the pain.
It’s easy to put off telling your kids that their parents are divorcing. But waiting too long can sometimes make a bad situation worse.
The where and how
You don’t want to tell your children too soon, especially if your divorce is still in the early discussion stage. It gives them too much time to dwell on the situation and worry. On the other hand, you don’t want to blindside them by waiting until the other parent has moved out of the house.
Most experts agree that the best time to tell your children about your divorce is after you and your spouse have made a definite decision and the divorce will be taking place in the next couple of months.
If you’re like other families, all of you lead busy lives, but it’s important to set aside time to have this conversation. Choose a private and familiar setting, such as the family room or dining room, where your children can take the time to process the news and feel free to express their emotions.
Ideally, both parents should be part of the conversation. Discuss what you will say ahead of time. Present a united front and communicate your decision in a calm manner. This approach shows your children that, even though you’re not together, both of you are committed to their well-being.
It’s also best if you avoid telling your children about your divorce during important events, such as exams, holidays or birthdays.
Your children will experience a range of emotions while they process the information. Shock, confusion, anger and sadness are common responses. They will likely have several questions over the next few months. Stay calm and validate their feelings. Answer their questions honestly, but avoid speaking negatively about the other parent and don’t overwhelm them with too much information.
While it’s difficult telling your children about a divorce, the most essential part is reminding them that both parents love them, and that won’t ever change.